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From: Al.G
Date: 24 Mar 2004
Time: 03:59:01 -0600
Remote Name: 216.192.11.8
Em ~ sorry it has taken me so long to reply. And I behind on my deadline so this will unfortunately be only a hsort reply. Let me think back to my HS days. Hmmm. The transition is tricky from HS to college. The world opens up for you with choices that HS never was structured to offer. Many friends who were pals since grade school can fade away, and new friendships at college have yet to begin. Your whole self concept can change, as well as your interaction with the world. College can be a 4 year mid point between family life and the freedom to do just about anything out in the big wide world. It is a strange time full of changes in lifestyle, self concepts, the subjects you study and the ideas you entertain. Within this sea of change, it sounds like you indeed have found an anchor of sorts. It is strange how close you can become and never know all the reasons why. Some would say that we are all just frequencies of ideas and when we find others who vibrate on the same wavelength, or a multiple of it, we create harmonies. In that case, gender, age, race, size and shape kind of fly out the door as ways we pick friends and recognize enemies. I guess I relate to what you are going through: a teacher/student relationship in transition. I think re-negotiations of a relationship can be harder than new ones, in some respects. In new ones, you have less to lose if it does not work out and no hold overs from the past of expectations or behavior patterns. You meet more as equals in new ones where they are no previous authority levels that must be transcended - or waived as no longer an important aspect of the relationship. But a lot depends on what your relationship was like before. Some teacher/student relationships are very formal and some are like a dance where the relationship is not based on power but on the interaction that results. I had a boss that was like that. The guys at the sushi bar actually thought for years were brother and sister instead of boss and staff. (Having an incurable hankering for all you can eat sushi does have a tendency to transcend relationships. In fact, now that I think of it - eating sushi - always leveled the playing field for some reason. Hmm. Must be something to do with fish. Anyway, I have found that special relationships have their own speed and depth of connection. And usually they defy any reasonable explanation as to why you can trade a couple of comments over a snack tray and suddenly be knee deep in one of the best conversations in your life. They are, in my experience, very, very rare. So if you have one, Id say hang on to it. If you find yourself more on the quiet and shy side - thats OK. Maybe you prefer and are open more to the in-depth relationships and less interested in the glad-handy ones that extroverts are known for. Some relationships fit the mold. Others are like stepping off a cliff into free open space. And there is no such thing as up or down, top or bottom. It just is and you are just there. And it just flows like the ribbon of time in the Star Trek movie. A different way of relating slipped into ordinary reality, that has people curious how long you have known each other and perplexed when you cant introduce the other person to them because you jumped light years in the conversation and skipped exchanging names. Very rare indeed. Well, take the advice or not as it fits you. Perhaps it was more about me noodling through some ideas than you needing any advice. It sounds like you realize you got something special and you have the sensitivity to work your way through it. Reply or not as you like. (hmm. Sounds a bit Shakespearean to me.) (wel, this was supposed to be a short reply. Oh well.) Al