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From:
Date: 05 Jul 2004
Time: 15:34:33 -0500
Remote Name: 216.192.13.9
Pen . . . yesssss . . .I have had one of those light bulb, slamm the car on your hand kinda days . . .I saw a wild turley in the woods yesterday, and it suddenly occurred to me that in certain parts of the world, they do not consume turkeys on festive winter holidays. Instead, they consume things like GEESE and PRIME RIB! (cannon balls!) [OH MY GOSSEH! This one really takes the cake. How dumb and naïve can I really be? Dont answer that one out loud, please!] Andy way, since this occurred to me, and in light of the fact that I already maybe a cooked goose, I was thinking Duckwoman, that maybe birds of approximate wingspan whould flock together and do something about this horrible state of events. .. . . . Here is what I am thinking - hire the same ad agency that worked so well for Carp (you know - the fish that got the Chinese to think they were good luck charms and kept in nice ponds for aesthetic purposes only.) Anyway - do some public service announcements based on showing "what your food really eats" with the tag line "you are what you eat!" Some slo-mo picts of us happily guzzling down snails, etc. should do the trick, along with drinking scummy pond water and slugs. However, at the same time, I think we also need to play up our helpful side to gardeners as snail elminators so we keep getting work gigs - but as Garden Aids instead of Food! This. Of course, would shift consumption more to prime rib, but they have been actually compaigning for it. "Beef, its whats for dinner!" (I may be slow and totally naïve (not to be confused with maizeflakes) - but at least I am not spending my calfs college tuition to advertise my own demise!) But in al fairness, perhaps it would also be kind to push for a healthy alternative - - - I am thinking getting them to eat prime numbers instead of prime rib . . . picture a nice tofu (I know WE would never eat it) decoratively shaped in the prime number of the hosts choice . . . 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17 or 19. Little sprigs of parsley, a small toast saluting the fine qualitites of the number and all it has done for everyone around the table. MAybe some spontateous sharing of how the number has positively impacted their life . . . . Duckwoman, an I nuts or will this work? ARe you ready to throw your errr . .. foot into the pot to keep the rest of your species out of it? Maybe the AFLAC goose will volunteer its time to be our spokesperson and you could get daffy ro double up - maybe we go with a whole Jerry Lewis/Dean Martin comedy routine. I always think it is hard to eat when you are laughing . . . but we are going to do a special number on those French chefs . . . . those sauces are just too tasty for my liking (opps - not that I have actually had many . . . errr . .. OK, I was young and naïve and how was I supposed to know Canard in Raspberry Sauce was actually . . . . err duck in French. They are just too clever, those French, changing the names of everything to fool humans into eating things like snails (that is our food,BTW) . . . Hmmm maybe the APF (Association of Pairapleagit Frogs) would be interested in joining in on that one . . . - Errr. . . no one in particular (pssttt . . . duckwoman, its me - and is it just me or is a certain swan getting more than just the usual eagle eye treatment?) Heavens above, (laughing here) how dumb can I be? (that was a retortical question - no need to answer it unless you feel totally compelled (in a maizeflaky way) to reply . . .) giggling at ones own lack of sagacity is a suet sign of something . . .