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From: Mimi-WA State
Date: 15 Oct 2002
Time: 02:37:04 -0400
Remote Name: 198.81.27.12
Wow. I never thought that the message I posted would have this sort of reaction. I feel a little guilty since this is Nick Bantock's site, but nonetheless touched by the responces I've read. Many have suggested that I write my own book and I believe that I've already got quite a good headstart on that. One of the hobbies that I've found to be such a relief for me is writing letters. I have so much time to think and all that time could easily be used to feel robbed or hopeless or angry. When I write a letter I keep a copy for myself so I know exactly what I said to cause the other party to respond in a certain way. My big plan is to turn all of my letters and the ones I've received into a chronological skeleton or outline for whatever finished product I wish to persue. Being an actress, although a bit rusty right now, I have had brainstorms with a friend of mine in LA who is anxious for me to get better so that we might put together a one-woman show. I have also suggested to Nick that he might find that although I'm young(24) I have a kind of, I guess you could call it, wisdom that most people never have to face in a lifetime much less at this beginning stage of adulthood. I feel that this might be an asset for the role of Sabine if a film were to be made. (But I suppose I'm a little biased and that's me being my own agent.)It would be the role of a lifetime, though. Tomorrow I will travel from the middle of Washington to Portland, Oregon (NW Oregon) to meet one of my surgeons and a cardiologist at Oregon Health Sciences University. This is my prep appointment. On the 21st, just a week away, I will check into the hospital, meet the head surgeon and be prepped for a double or triple valve replacement using mechanical(man made) valves. There is a very good chance that I will meet up with some of my demons from the first valve replacement that I had in the form of respiratory disfunctions, but I feel prepared and strong dispite my physical weaknesses. My largest challenge has been the need to be heard. After having this disease of cancer for 14 or more years now and spending most of that time not being believed, I find that my diagnosis was a blessing. Now they have a better idea of what's going on and every experience that I go through is just another example to myself of what I can handle. I'm sorry if any of this is what you have heard me post on this site before, but it's a mission of mine to let people know that someone will believe them, listen and help no matter what the obsticle. That person just needs to be found. I want to give out my email address so that we can talk about this or more without using too much "Nick Bantock" space. I'm still interested in ideas about using art as a therapy. My sketches and paintings have meant the world to me and my process of grieving. I want to know more about this outlet. (By the way-Barbara, I do remember you and I didn't know if the e-mail that I had for you would still be valid because I know you moved from Scotland. Where are you now? What has put you in Great Britan?) Here's my e-mail: [email protected] .I would love to hear from both of you or anyone else that might have something to discuss. Maybe put something about the chat site in the subject so that I don't think that you're another porn site trying to "get" me with their clever subject titles. Some of them are pretty amusing. Thank you for the unexpected support. It's another lovely thing that I can add to my ball of energy. After this surgery I've decided that people will have to think of me as BIONIC!